Princess Sara Land

Target

2005-12-10T11:17:00.000-08:00

I'm about to go on a rant in 5...4...3...2...1

OK, so these fuckers have decided to boycott Target for not using the word Christmas in their advertising and I say what the hell because they are obviously confused on 2 levels:

Level #1 (as presented by my daddy)-
If you are a Christian, you should know that Target has nothing to do with Christmas. In fact, most Christians actually hate how commercial Christmas has gotten (those are the cheap ones-joking!) and would prefer to go back to the "true meaning of Christmas" that people are always talking about. So why would a pro-family-values organization want to put the commercialism back into the holidays?!

Level #2-
Theses people don't seem to understand that there are many different kinds of people in the Target-shopping population and many of them don't celebrate Christmas. Some celebrate Hanukkah, some observe Kwanzaa, there is Winter Solstice, Festivus, and I bet a lot of people don't celebrate anything. Target is trying to appeal to all of these people, not just the religious right (or wrong, as I see it).

I say all of us who think the AFA are retards should go out in droves to our nearest Target and throw money at them! Are you with me?

YES/SEND

2005-11-04T06:10:00.000-08:00

I am so over the frigging morons that I work with that I really do not want to go in today. You see, the job that I've been doing the past couple of months is so rad but it's starting to take its toll on me. Part of it is to design and develop databases and then train people on how to use them.

I have one database that houses all employee information. When an employee is termed, their supervisor is supposed to go in and fill out a form that will generate emails to go out about the term (IT needs their login, the phone people need their extension, payroll needs the term date, the rest of us need the reason). All the sup has to do is fill out the info, press submit, and click "Yes" or "Send" (depending on their version of windows) several times to send the emails.

I thought I had made this idiot-proof by sending an email including print screens and instructions for carrying this out. Furthermore, I sat down with some of the least intelligent sups and explained it. But, no go, there were people that still clicked "No" or "Don't Send".

Hmmph, well, then I had a their manager send an email that said that under NO circumstances should they ever hit "No" or "Don't Send", the only thing they should ever hit is "Yes" or "Send".

TIME FOR A QUIZ, KIDS:
A box pops up in the term database saying, "Outlook is trying to send an email on your behalf, would you like to continue?
YES/SEND NO/DON'T SEND

What do you do?

Well, if you're a sup at my company, you hit "NO/DON'T SEND" naturally.

So, Tuesday, I went in and programmed a warning box to pop up before any email notifications, it says something to the effect of, "Hey dumbass, press "Yes" or "Send" to the following questions or you will not send any emails.

Did that work? NO, of course not! GRRRRRRRR! Any suggestions as to how to deal with the this kind of shit?

If I Were A Mom

2005-10-30T06:51:00.000-08:00

Pimped Ride

Travel

2005-10-12T06:27:00.000-07:00

I'm heading to Overland Park, Kansas next week for work. It's just outside of Kansas City and I'm looking forward to it. I'll be there for 6 days by myself so if anyone knows anything fun to do or if there's anything cool going on between the 19th and 24th, please let me know.

I booked our Thanksgiving trip home to RVA. We are flying into DC on Tuesday (22nd) and flying out on the following Tuesday (29th). I can't wait to see everyone; my family and Josh's, friends, and bartenders.

April is flying in from Ireland that same week and we're going wedding dress shopping for her. I am so going to love seeing her; it's been a year but we talk on the phone all the time (poor phone bills) and it's crazy how close we still are. Josh and I are going to Ireland next year for the wedding!

On another note, thank you to everyone that posted comments about how happy you are that I'm writing again; that made me feel really good!

Hope you have a good day!

Sleater-Kinney

2005-10-08T23:36:00.000-07:00

The show was great! Really, really great!

Corin was so cute and her voice sounded great. She admitted to fearing that if she went up into the arch she'd puke.

Janet was fucking on tonight. Singing, playing harmonica, and drumming simultaneously. Talk about crazy talented!

Carrie is the most hardcore rocker! It's rare to see someone fall into their music in such a groovin' way; she was jumping and dancing and loving it. She was also very funny talking about sports and how we had no hometown pride because we cared more about seeing the show than the Cardinals game.

My love for Sleater-Kinney has grown to monumental proportions. I LOVE S-K!

The Ponys opened for them and really were impressive. There's nothing better than going to see one of your favorite bands and being pleased with the opener. They have a great sound and really enjoyed being on stage. I look forward to checking them out further.

Sorry about the lame post but I'm beat. Peas!

S-K for D, R, & S

2005-10-08T10:58:00.000-07:00

The Sleater-Kinney show is tonight and I am stoked! They have been one of my favorite bands for probably 10 years now and this will be my first live show. I can't wait; it'll be Dino, Rebecca, and me and we're making a girls' night of it. I'll let you know how it goes!

Is It Possible?

2005-09-28T09:42:00.000-07:00

Am I actually creating a new post? I guess so! Rock!

Well, here are the "exciting" things going on in my life:

1. We moved into Matt and Melissa's basement this past weekend and in the process, inherited a new cat; Alex (aka-Ali Cat) who is just about the cutest thing ever.

2. New job as Database Developer and Analyst is going well.

3. Going to see Sleater-Kinney soon, fucking excited!

So, I'm boring, that's all that's going on. What about ya'll? Any brilliant thoughts occurring? Any exciting plans?

Well, in light of recent Hurricanes and whatnot, I hope everyone is well and happy. I'll post more soon. ;)

100 Things About Me

2005-06-30T18:35:00.000-07:00

An idea from Aaron.

1. I read a ridiculous amount; at least one book a week, and it can be anything from Gustave Flaubert’s Madame Bovary to Helen Fielding’s Bridget Jones's Diary to random religious books like the I Ching.
2. I pick books mostly by finding interesting titles and opening to a random page to see if it’s “readable.”
3. I had 6 tickets (not counting parking) in 6 months.
4. I went to driving school for 3 of those tickets due to my skills in court and ability to bald-face lie.
5. I still suck my thumb when I’m really tired or bored.
6. I have outrun a cop that was trying to pull me over and was with a friend who did the same thing.
7. I was “married” in the Church of Bob when I was 18 or 19 and I can’t remember my husband’s name.
8. I refused a marriage proposal (not Josh’s).
9. I stopped dating a guy named Nik (yes, that’s the correct spelling) because I liked him too much.
10. I still feel guilty for dumping Matt when he told me he loved me. No, he wasn’t the one that proposed.
11. I have commitment issues.
12. I get way too attached to inanimate objects.
13. I might have an unhealthy bond with my cat; Liava and I have nightmares about someone hurting her. You should know that I would not hesitate to fuck someone up if they did.
14. I know that I should finish college but if I did, it would be for my parents, not me.
15. When I die, my family’s last name will go with me.
16. It pisses me off that people doubt that Josh and I are married because I didn’t take his name. It also irritates me that people (my mom included) address mail to me as if I had.
17. I still feel bad for mean things that I did when I was in grade school.
18. I have been to 4 countries outside of the US and none of them are attached to the US.
19. I like thick crust pizza.
20. I need Chinese food when I’m sick.
21. I have stopped taking all of my medication and it was a bad idea so I’m going back on them this week.
22. I have a handful of Hip Hop songs on my mp3 player even though I’m not much of a fan of that style of music.
23. My new job is to build databases using a program that I have been teaching myself and I still have a lot to learn.
24. There is only 1 person in this whole world that try as I might, I cannot stand and soon, I will be able to ignore him because I won’t be working with him anymore.
25. I still have a crush on my husband even though we’ve been together for 5 years.
26. I get sad when I see how selfish people can be and I know that I am guilty of selfishness too.
27. I’m about to make a “Fight” playlist on my mp3 player with songs that make me feel like I could kick the world’s ass. The first song will be Baby, I’m an Anarchist by Against Me!
28. I can’t stand people that allow their 12 and 13 year-old girls to flaunt their bodies as if that’s all they should be noticed for.
29. I have over 25,000 airline miles which equals 1 free roundtrip ticket to anywhere in the US and I will probably waste it on going home for Thanksgiving.
30. Sometimes I feel ridiculous.
31. I’m a beer snob.
32. I like to camp and as a matter of fact, I’m going this coming weekend.
33. My best friend; April lives in Dublin, Ireland and I am going to visit her next October.
34. I believe that the second we find cures for AIDS and cancer, something worse will come along. But, I don’t want them to stop looking for cures.
35. My favorite food is Nanny’s strawberry shortcake.
36. I like to design my dream Mini online and let me just tell you that it’s pretty friggin’ hot.
37. I’m still mad at the girl who brutally slaughtered my 1990 Nissan 240sx when she failed to yield to my 50 mph right of way. All she lost was a stupid Saturn.
38. If I could find a totally re-built 1990 240sx, I would forgo the Mini without a second thought.
39. My closest girl friends are April, Lauri, Rebecca, and Denise (even though I don’t see her enough).
40. Sometimes I get the urge to just keep driving.
41. I resent growing up, not old.
42. My attention span has a time limit of about 5 minutes on a good day.
43. I tend to tune people out while they’re talking to me especially if it’s really important that I listen to what they’re saying.
44. I hate movie theaters.
45. I hope that when I die, if there is a heaven, I’ll get to see a concert where The Sex Pistols, The Ramones, The Doors, Nirvana and other bands I never got to see live are playing.
46. I’d like to have super-powers like invisibility and whatnot.
47. Josh and I were going to create our own last name when we got married.
48. I have been to Asia and Europe.
49. I HATE being bored and I will do anything to keep boredom away.
50. I’d like to finish this list, but I can’t (see 42).

Google Images

2005-06-26T08:16:00.000-07:00

Stolen from McDao, stolen from Welfare Queen...

Directions: Go to Google and click on the “Images” link. Type in the following and post the first (or your favorite) picture the search engine finds.

- The name of the town where you grew up
- The name of the town where you live now
- Your Name
- Your Grandmother’s name (yeah, I know you probably had 2 (or more); just pick one)
- Your Favorite Food
- Your favorite drink
- Your favorite song
- Your favorite smell

Here's my stuff:
- hometown
- current town
- my name
- grandma
- favorite food
- favorite drink
- song
- smell

If you're curious about what I typed to get to these images, just ask.

A Little Perspective

2005-06-25T18:34:00.000-07:00

Sent to me in an email from CA Josh:

12 Reasons to Ban Gay Marriage:

1. Homosexuality is not natural, much like eyeglasses, polyester, and birth control.

2. Heterosexual marriages are valid because they produce children. Infertile couples and old people can't legally get married because the world needs more children.

3. Obviously, gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

4. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if Gay marriage is allowed, since Britney Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage was meaningful.

5. Heterosexual marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are property, blacks can't marry whites, and divorce is illegal.

6. Gay marriage should be decided by people, not the courts, because the majority-elected legislatures, not courts, have historically protected the rights of the minorities.

7. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country that's why we have only one religion in America.

8. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

9. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

10. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why single parents are forbidden to raise children.

11. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society. Heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time, and we could never adapt to new social norms because we haven't adapted to things like cars or longer life spans.

12. Civil unions, providing most of the same benefits as marriage with a different name are better, because a "separate but equal" institution is always constitutional. Separate schools for African-Americans worked just as well as separate marriages for gays and lesbians will.

My Daddy's Website

2005-06-23T18:53:00.000-07:00

My daddy has a new website called The Little Scroll which is all about the world ending, Revelations, and what he thinks is going on. You should check it out because I'm the princess and I say so also because you know how cool he is from posts like these:

A Daddy Kind of Day
When Mail was Fun
Back
Daddy's plans for the apocalypse are in this post

There is also something funny and classically daddy at the bottom of the first page.

He sent an email today and I swear I almost peed my pants when I read the following lines:

"Children's church now rocks, with as many as 5 babies in the nursery and up to 12 children in the 2 children's church classes. We're still weak on teenagers, but we're working on it."

So yep, I miss him already and I won't see him until November, grrr... 1,000 miles can be the longest distance sometimes.

Back by "Popular" Demand

2005-06-18T10:22:00.000-07:00

OK, maybe I'll start posting more, maybe not, but I will try.

Things that have been going on:

I got a promotion this week; I am now the Database Developer and Analyst for my company. Yes, a nice raise came along with the new title and job.

Simucon is happening right now and I'm tired/hung-over. It's way subdued this year so not as much fun, but we're trying and coping.

Momma and Daddy came to visit in May and spoiled Josh and me as per usual with dinners and lunch every day, lots of alcohol, and new clothes. YAY us!

Lauri came to visit the next week and we had a blast which surprised no one as we always do.

Babies, babies everywhere! EEK! My old boss; Adam has a new daughter, her name is Molly Ann. Mark and Caroline had Emma (sorry, no pics yet) this week and I can't wait to meet her. There have also been tons more acquaintances having babies. You'll be happy to note that I was born sans biological clock as far as I can tell and Josh broke his long ago. No pressure here.

We are going camping next weekend and I'm psyched!

That's all for now folks.

A Lot More To Go

2005-04-28T18:32:00.000-07:00

create your own visited countries map
or vertaling Duits Nederlands

Another Way of Putting It

2005-04-08T19:40:00.000-07:00

I got a fortune in my cookie today that says, "You have a reputation for being straight-forward and honest." And here, I thought I was just a bitch.

Yep, Chinese food, I'm sick again but this time, I expect to be better in the morning. Some coworkers have gotten a 24-hour bug this week and I'm convinced that's what I have.

I realize I haven't posted much in the past couple of months and I'm regretting it. This started out as kind of a diary and turned into an outlet for writing. In the past 6 months it has become something else entirely. Before I stopped posting everyday, I was getting up to 100 visitors a day and it was kind of odd to think that people that I never knew existed know so much about me. I would get emails from people in Europe, Canada, Australia, and all over the states asking questions, giving advice, etc... I enjoyed it and still love reading your comments. It always makes me happy when a topic I post about turns into a discussion.

I guess I'm saying that I want to start posting more and I appreciate that you guys still drop by. Love you.

Photos

2005-04-01T20:30:00.000-08:00

I'm back and my trip was awesome! I will be sure to post more later but for now, here are my photos. A huge thank you goes to Mr3xcellent for letting me borrow his 5.1 mpx camera. You're the man!

Philippines 2005-Random pictures and places. March 21-April 1, 2005.

CCT-We were working with a company called CCT, commonly known as Cyber City. These are pics of the people and facilities.

Engrish and Other Oddities

Japan-Layover

Jim's Cock Fighting Farm-Jim raises cocks and he took us to his farm for a day.

Private Flight-The pres of CCT is also a pilot. He flew us around Clark.

The Hotel-These are pics from the hotel and of the people I got to know there.

Philippines Time: Wednesday March 31, 2005 1:41 AM

2005-03-30T09:40:00.000-08:00

Recap of the past couple of days:

-Got stung by evil baby jelly fish which I have dubbed jelly bees
-Wasn't feeling the second class so we abandoned them (cruel, I know)
-Got sick (like that, "I want to die" kind of sick)
-1 massage, 1 pedicure, 2 manicures
-Missing Josh non-stop
-1/2 of my pics randomly got deleted from my computer (the remaining are coming soon)
-Nearly got in at least half a dozen accidents

Coming soon:

-Private flight over a volcano
-Public flight home

I miss you all!

Philippines Time: Wednesday March 24, 2005 4:31 AM

2005-03-24T12:30:00.000-08:00

Got a massage today! One hour of total bliss for 600 pesos (roughly $11) but I did leave a 200 peso tip (standard tip would have been 60 pesos) so I made a friend; Pat, who wants me to come and get a massage every day. I just might do that.

I miss Josh a lot but it's not that pining type of miss; it's more that I wish he was here to share this all with me. Everyone is so polite and helpful... if you ask for directions; they walk you to where you want to go instead of just pointing like in America. If you tell someone you are thirsty (in casual conversation) they run to get you some water.

Odd things:

-Pepsi Diet tastes like regular Coke
-Coke Light tastes like regular Pepsi
-Pineapple juice tastes like a grapefruit
-While it seems that every American spends hours on their tans, Pilipinos try to whiten their skin
-Manila is the capital of knockoffs (Prada purse in America=$1000, "Prada" purse here=200 pesos or $4)
-Large tourist population of Japanese and Koreans
-Shopping malls have security guards toting shotguns
-I am the tallest person in this country
-A size large shirt here is a small in America

Gotta run--more later!

Philippines Time: Wednesday March 23, 2005 12:45 AM

2005-03-22T08:43:00.000-08:00

I'm here in the Philippines! The flight over was good and comfortable yet I did not sleep at all. We flew into Japan over the most amazing mountain ranges I've ever seen (pics to come) and had a layover, so I can now say I've been to Japan. We flew from Japan to Manila (northern Philippines) and met our business partners who led us to a waiting Suburban that took us to the company's plane which flew us to Clark City. Talk about surreal!

When we got to the hotel, our rooms were already checked into (bypass front desk) and in them were huge bouquets of flowers along with notes and every possible refreshment we could need.

On Tuesday, we got up early (big mistake as I am now exhausted) and decided to go into town which was fun. We went shopping and rode around for a long time. There's a big holy week happening here so we were warned that we may see people atoning for their sins in strange ways. That in no way prepared me to witness a bloody man walking down the street whipping himself. That image will be with me forever.

Well, I'll write more later. Hope you are all safe and having fun in America (or wherever you are).

:)

2005-03-20T05:16:00.000-08:00

Thank you for all of the travel tips, they will be put to good use today when I head to the Philippines. See you in 2 weeks; I'll post lots of pics when I get back.

?

2005-03-14T18:40:00.000-08:00

You scored as Satanism. Your beliefs most closely resemble those of Satanism! Before you scream, do a bit of research on it. To be a Satanist, you don't actually have to believe in Satan. Satanism generally focuses upon the spiritual advancement of the self, rather than upon submission to a deity or a set of moral codes. Do some research if you immediately think of the satanic cult stereotype. Your beliefs may also resemble those of earth-based religions such as paganism.

Satanism

92%

agnosticism

83%

Paganism

79%

Buddhism

63%

Islam

38%

Hinduism

38%

atheism

38%

Christianity

29%

Judaism

13%

Which religion is the right one for you? (new version)
created with QuizFarm.com

Tips

2005-02-20T19:21:00.000-08:00

Hey, as I am going on a long flight next month (30-ish hours); I'm soliciting tips from you. I will have plenty of reading material, music, a comfy throw, and sleeping pills, but is there anything you've done in the past that made you more comfy or made the time go by faster?

Any help would be grand!

YAY

2005-02-10T12:39:00.000-08:00

26 now!!! Thank you for all of the warm birthday wishes, ya'll are so sweet.

I found out today that I'm going to the Philippines for 2 weeks in March. All expenses paid for by my company! What a great birthday gift!

Because Aaron Wanted Me To

2005-02-06T16:01:00.000-08:00

1. Total amount of music files on your computer:
1830... I listen to Launchcast mostly.

2. The last CD you bought was:
The Art of Drowning ~ A.F.I.

3. What is the song you last listened to before reading this message?
Stones by Sonic Youth

4. Write down 5 songs you often listen to or that mean a lot to you:
Only 5? Really? I'll try:

Model by Avail-The epitome of my teen years, there was a time that you would find me at a show every weekend and a lot of the time it was an Avail show.

Landslide by Fleetwood Mac and The Dock of the Bay by Otis Redding-Man do these songs make me think of my daddy.

Precious Things by Tori Amos-This is one of those songs that you feel in your gut. It just grabs you and takes you along for the ride.

Shit! This is too hard.

Just Like Heaven by The Cure-For the good times and the bad.

Wow, those aren't the 5 I thought I would have chosen, are you as shocked as me?

5. What 3 people are you going to pass this baton to and why?
Rebecca and Jeff... I know Josh won't do it though he may now just to prove me wrong.

Feet

2005-02-06T15:24:00.000-08:00

My feet have grown. AGAIN! The oddest thing is that they're getting longer, not wider.

I started my 20's as an average 8.5 and within the past couple of years, my feet have grown so much that I wear a 10 now! It's not that shoes are getting smaller in the stores, I know this because the tennies I bought last May (9.5) are too small now. I've never washed or dried them, so they didn't shrink, what the hell?!

So, now I'm on the hunt for a new pair of tennies and I'm getting more and more desperate. The ONLY pair I've found that I like are suede:

As a vegetarian, I just don't think I could, in good conscience, buy them and they don't make them in canvas or hemp. So, what's a girl to do?

Pure Evil

2005-02-04T16:58:00.000-08:00

WARNING: Graphic Article Linked

This makes me feel physically ill. How could people be so cruel?

Wild Hare

2005-01-29T20:06:00.000-08:00

I get these "brilliant" ideas that I want to do something and I'll do whatever it takes to do that thing forsaking all rational thought. So, I'll go to the store, no matter what time of day or night, buy my supplies, come home and get started. Some of my past projects include:

-crocheting (lasted 2 days)
-cross stitching (lasted a week)
-painting our bedroom furniture (project complete)
-organizing the closets (will never happen)
-building bookcases (yeah, right)

And, today, it's weaving. I am in the process of building a loom after having dragged Josh to the store to help me get supplies. I have stopped for the night, but I'm about 2/3 of the way done. This should be interesting.

So, I'm realizing more and more that I'm like my daddy because he does the EXACT same thing. His projects have included:

-building me a toboggan (project complete)
-building me bunk beds (project complete)
-organizing his garage (about as likely as me building those bookcases)
-building a fish pond (project complete)
-making wine, he actually grows grapes now (ongoing)
-building a deck (project complete but forever expanding)

And that's just to name a few!

Maybe I should be pleased to find another similarity between daddy and me, but right now I'm scared!

A Ladie's Place

2005-01-27T20:39:00.000-08:00

...is not in the kitchen, it's on the web! I've started a new message board and you can join today...

	A Ladies' Place
	Browse Archives at groups-beta.google.com

Advice

2005-01-26T18:54:00.000-08:00

I need your advice.

You guys have heard about my co-worker, Alex, and you know how much I like her. Well, lately she has been driving me nuts. She gets in these little huffs about anything and everything; if we are playing around and someone says something (meant to be funny) to her, she gets sulky. Or, if I'm sitting at my desk, she'll just start talking and when I look up and ask if she was talking to me, she gets petulant. It is so fucking irritating!

I am sick of having to ask if she's okay or if she's angry or if she's upset. Sometimes I just want to smack her out of her stupid moods. If it didn't happen so often, it wouldn't be a big deal, but for the past few weeks, it's been just about every day. The problem is that she and I are good friends but it's getting to be like walking through a minefield; you never know what is going to set her of. It's like sometimes she thinks the world revolves around her and her feelings and it has started to become really draining.

So, what do I do? Ignore it, say something? When it happens, do I continue to ask if she's okay or let her fester? My concern about saying something is that it may set her off again and I just don't want to deal with it.

By the way, it's bothering Adam too, so I'm not imagining things... he's of the "fuck her" mindset on whether or not to deal with it, but I find that a hard stance to take since I'm not the type of person to generally let things roll off my back. So, what would you do?

Sad

2005-01-26T06:18:00.000-08:00

This is really just too sad for comment.

Need

2005-01-25T17:56:00.000-08:00

Lately, I've been feeling the need to start doing something... volunteer work, community action, etc...

I volunteered when I lived in RVA and want desperately to get back into it, so tonight I am searching around for places to offer my talents. I've already sent a message to Planned Parenthood and I hope they call me back.

Where do you volunteer or do you?

HA HA

2005-01-23T11:00:00.000-08:00

George Bush meets with the Queen of England. He asks her, “Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give to me?”

“Well,” says the Queen, “the most important thing is to surround your self with intelligent people.”

Bush frowns. “But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?”

The Queen takes a sip of tea. “Oh, that's easy. You just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle.” The Queen pushes a button on her intercom.

“Please send Tony Blair in here, would you?”

Tony Blair walks into the room. “Yes, my Queen?”

The Queen smiles “Answer me this, please, Tony. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?”

Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answers, “That would be me.”

“Yes! Very good,” says the Queen.

Bush goes back home to ask Dick Cheney, his vice president, the same question.

“Dick, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?”

“I'm not sure,” says Cheney, “let me get back to you on that one.”

Cheney goes to his advisors and asks every one, but none can give him an answer. Finally, he ends up in the men's room and recognizes Colin Powell's shoes in the next stall. Cheney shouts, “Colin! Can you answer this for me?”

Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?” Colin Powell yells back, “That's easy. It's me!”

Cheney smiles, and says, “Thanks!” Then, Cheney goes back to speak with Bush. “Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Colin Powell.”

Bush gets up, stomps over to Cheney and angrily yells into his face,

“No, you idiot; it's Tony Blair!”

Meds

2005-01-22T17:54:00.000-08:00

I've been off my meds for a week now because I've been so sick and I am totally noticing a difference. I'm moody (not just sick people type moody) and the OCD has kicked up a notch. I've also been quick to snap at people which sucks. I'm definitely going back on tomorrow before I end up killing someone.

I saw LaRice last week and every time I visit, I end up getting free meds which totally rocks my world because they are so damn expensive even with insurance ($80 per month now with the addition of a new sleeping pill). This time, I got a 2 week supply of Zoloft and 12 doses of Klonopin (clonazepam for immediate anxiety relief). I feel like a junkie.

Music and a Fact

2005-01-22T16:12:00.000-08:00

Aaron* got our Social D. tickets today so I'm about the happiest girl ever. Are you going?

That got me looking for other shows happening soon and I really want to see Voodoo Glow Skulls too. I saw them when I was about 16 and I had the best time! "Who do voodoo we do! FUCK YOU!" Best band chant EVER!

Sucks that I don't live on the East Coast anymore because while LeTigre is going all over the world, they aren't coming to the Midwest. Lame.

G. Love is coming and I'd like to see them, anyone up for a road trip to Mizzou?

Gwar is also coming soon and on a funny side note, one of the members of the band was the maintenance man for the apartment I lived in in RVA.

OK, so, wanna go to a show?

*Is now officially dubbed Patron Saint of Punk Rock.

Gillette

2005-01-22T07:23:00.000-08:00

Since 1996, Gillette has been observing a moratorium on animal testing meaning that they are not currently doing it but they could start again whenever they want.

If, for nearly 10 years, they have sustained their business, developing new products, and indeed growing that business, it seems to be doing no harm to be cruelty-free. I want a commitment that they will permanently stop testing.

Below, are graphic descriptions of how animals are used to test cosmetic and personal care products. I give you fair warning so that you may choose not to read it if you will find it too disturbing. If you want to read it, simply highlight the area between the arrows:

----->>
Rabbits have sensitive eyes, thus they are the victims of tests to determine the effects of products like lipstick, bleach, perfume, etc... on eyes. Imagine having lipstick smeared into your eyes or bleach squirted into them.

Cats are the victims of drug tests that can cause seizures, heart defects, and organ damage. Their lives are miserable as they are kept in small cages and are never played with or loved.

I won't go into any greater detail but click here for a Google search for 'Animal Testing' to find out more.
<<-----

GROSS STUFF OVER

So, here's why I'm telling you all of this. I'd like it if you could take a few moments and 37 cents to send Gillette a polite letter thanking them for currently not testing and asking them to make the decision permanent. They know that there are safer, better methods to ensure the safety of consumers than animal testing.

Remember, there is no greater voice than that of the consumer. They will listen.

Mr. James M. Kilts, Chair and CEO
The Gillette Company
Prudential Tower Bldg.
P.O. Box 61
Boston, MA 02199

If you'd like to find out which companies do and don't test on animals, click here to see the list.

Sick Again

2005-01-18T13:03:00.000-08:00

Yep, that's right, I'm sick all over again. Damn my luck. I emailed Adam this morning to tell him I wouldn't be in and I realize now that the email made no sense at all:

"Adam it's 5 AM and I haven't slept or breathed all night... I might be dead when you read this. I do not think it would be wise for me to come in as Josh is now sick too and I am probably contagious so we might all die. Please don't make me come in... I beg you. There are order numbers in my book, there are people in my class, can you have someone put them together? I don't know who... does this make sense at all?

Call me because I'm confused now."

Josh is a total rockstar because even though he's sick too, he went out in the middle of the night last night for Vapo-Rub and tissues for me. Then, he went out this afternoon for soda and OJ. I love him more each day.

I'll have you know that the sick person's world is made better by Chinese food and Shrek Fruit Roll-Ups. Yes, they have to be Shrek otherwise they aren't green and really, what's the point if they aren't green?!

OK, delirium is setting in again, off to bed.

Fucked

2005-01-17T17:52:00.000-08:00

Wear It, Bitch

By Annalee Newitz, AlterNet. Posted January 12, 2005.

One of the highest courts in the land, the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals, has determined that it's legal for an employer to fire a female employee who refuses to wear makeup. Think this through slowly and carefully, girls: if you live in the 9th Circuit (which covers California, Washington, Oregon, Nevada, Arizona, Idaho and Montana), you could be fired tomorrow if your boss decides your "uniform" for work includes makeup. Supposedly this ruling doesn't run afoul of discrimination law because it doesn't impose an "unequal burden" on women. Do you want to know why, ladies and germs? Because a rule for women enforcing face paint is "equal" to a rule forbidding men from wearing it. Now there's some real smart logic. Presence is the same as absence! War is peace! Yup, it's the kind of analysis that's gotten very popular in the United States recently.

And guess what? It comes to you entirely from culture, not nature. Never again is anyone allowed to give me crap about how women naturally want to adorn themselves with makeup, as if there's some genetic urge to look fake that's wended its way here on the sparkly pink path of evolution. This ain't biology. This is your government, endorsing your corporate lackey's creepy-ass urge to make me turn my happy, natural face into a twisted parody of comeliness. This is some cosmetics executive getting rich on state-enforced gender norms.

Most important, this is a woman who worked for Harrah's casino for more than two decades, with glowing recommendations from both customers and supervisors, getting fired for refusing to put red dust on her cheeks and pink grease on her lips. Darlene Jesperson brought her case against Harrah's in Reno in 2000 after the company created a "personal best policy" that required all female workers to get an "image consultation," which included a makeover. Photographs of the post-makeover women were taken and placed in their supervisors' files as a "measurement tool" to determine whether the women were properly made up for their job. If a woman failed to live up to her post-makeover self, it was grounds for termination.

Jesperson, who said wearing makeup while bartending at Harrah's sports bar "forced her to be feminine" and made her feel "dolled up" like a sex object, argued that cosmetics undermined her effectiveness as a worker and "took away [her] credibility as a person." When she refused to wear makeup, her supervisors suggested she apply for a job at Harrah's that didn't require makeup; then they fired her.

Let's not get into the question of whether it's degrading or sexist for women to wear makeup. Sure, it might be for some women – but there are plenty of politically aware girls out there who like to get dolled up. The question here is whether women who are forced to wear makeup when men aren't can be described as experiencing gender equality. The 9th Circuit's opinion acknowledged that makeup costs money and takes time, then dismissed this point as "academic." But if these costs are so insignificant, why not require Harrah's to pay to keep its female employees looking as if they'd just had a makeover? Maybe the company could even pay these women for the time it takes to keep their faces properly clad.

You and I know that's not gonna happen. Now that the most liberal circuit court in the land has paved the way, I can just imagine the proposed federal legislation: no woman shall appear in public without covering her face.

Someone once told me she worked at a cosmetics company where they used pig fat in the lipstick soup. She had been told to inform customers, if they inquired, that the bright little sticks contained "porcine products." I feel about that euphemism the way I do about the ruling in the Harrah's makeup case. The judges can use whatever legal lingo and bizarre logical loopholes they want to try to cover up what they're saying. But I hear the real message loud and clear: Wear it, bitch.

Annalee Newitz (pigstick@techsploitation.com) is a surly media nerd who was once forced to wear makeup and almost threw up. Her column also appears in Metro, Silicon Valley's weekly newspaper.

News

2005-01-16T14:32:00.000-08:00

Today, I was shocked to find that people still use friendster... I actually got a message from someone so, out of curiosity, I searched around for the first time in more than a year and it's actually gotten a lot better (read: faster) than it used to be. Interesting.

People came over last night, fun was had by all. In typical husband-type fashion, he passed out, however; this time he was smart enough to foresee the inevitable and go to bed before the sandman came. YAY Josh! Progress!

Ann made a severed snowman head on the porch which she will be happy to know is still there. We must have gotten a total of 6 inches this week which thrills me as we've had a piss-poor winter thus far.

Aaron is the bomb still... no particular reason for throwing that out there, just showing some love.

It has become apparent in the past week that the 4 bookcases I bought last week are not enough so I will probably be getting another soon.

It has also become apparent that the title "News" is not really appropriate for this post, but fuck it.

If you bank with Commerce, I urge you, my faithful readers, to CLOSE YOUR ACCOUNT. They have dicked us over after 2 years of loyal customerty (word? no? really?) and by the end of the month we will no longer be storing our wads of cash there.

Nothing else to report, peas.

Profound

2005-01-15T18:43:00.000-08:00

Read this immediately... at one point, coffee came out of my nose because I was laughing so hard. That coffee had a lot of Bailey's in it which may have contributed somewhat to the reason I found this hilarious.

Femi-Nazis

2005-01-14T17:00:00.000-08:00

The following is a conversation from my favorite message board.

Femi-Nazi says:

"I have a question. Why do so many woman give into socieitys perception on what a woman should be? and look like?

Personally I think woman who don't shave any body hair our stronger woman, who don't give into societys way of degrading the woman as a whole.

do you know how much less time you would spend in the bathroom if you didn't shave? GO hairy! Be real! Comb what your momma gave ya.

Talk about female rights. There should be protests against the shaving industry that promote being feminine as having smooth silky legs, and dyed blonde hair, with a cute little mini skirt and black high heels. DON'T WEAR A BRA either to give you more bust. It seems like most woman learn from a young age that they have to use their sex appeal to get their way in life, and that's sad.

Anyway not trying to cause an argument or anything, but it just pisses me off to see woman promoting female rights, when they look like the sterotypical female. It's the most contradicting thing I see in my everyday life."

And, my response:

"So, you'd rather promote the "stereotypical feminist" look. Please! I shave everything because it feels great to be smooth; not so that I fit into "society's idea of femininity."

What feminism means to me has nothing to do with how I look... oh wait, it kind of does. It means I CAN LOOK HOW I WANT!

Not to cause any arguments or anything, but it makes ME so angry that some "feminists" try to force me into the mold of what they think a feminist should look like.

PS-Whether or not I shave has NOTHING to do with my strength."

Alright ladies, where do you stand?

Shopping for New Bookcases

2005-01-08T17:07:00.000-08:00

...is more fun than assembling them once they're bought. But, it's not nearly as fun as watching your hubby's cute ass as he carries them up to the third floor. Ooooh-la-la!

Random Resolution

2005-01-08T17:06:00.000-08:00

In the year 2005 I resolve to:

Make more enemies than friends.

Get your resolution here

Numbers

2005-01-06T17:12:00.000-08:00

I started looking around for population info after reading about the birth of China's 1.3 billionth citizen.

1.3 billion is a pretty incomprehensible number to me, but to put it into perspective, the US has about 294 million citizens. WOW, China's packed. Here's some other interesting numbers I found on this site:

Population per Square Mile:
Iceland-7
US-79
Mexico-140
China-352
Jamaica-623
Japan-875
South Korea-1,258

Gross National Income per Person per Year (in 2002):
US-$36,110
France-$27,040
Turkey-$6,300
China-$4,520
Jamaica-$3,680
Niger-$800
Etheopia-$780
Tanzania-$580
Sierra Leone-$500

Births/Deaths per 1,000 People:
Belize-28/5
Cambodia-32/10
Uzbekistan-24/8
Niger-55/20
Burkina Faso-45/19
US-14/8
Belarus-9/15
Vatican City-1(bad nun!)/10

Fertility Rate/Births per Woman:
UK-1.7
US-2.0
Malaysia-3.3
Qatar-4.0
Pakistan-4.8
Madagascar-5.8
Ethiopia-5.9
Guinea-6.0
Somalia-7.1
Niger-8.0

Sick Day

2005-01-05T16:39:00.000-08:00

I usually try to save my sick days for what I call Mental Health Days; you know, those times when you just need some time to yourself. Not so, today.

I was on my way to work when I started to not be able to see things directly in front of me and then my peripheral vision started to pulsate. All signs were pointing towards an acute migraine which usually ends up giving me stroke-like symptoms:

-inability to write or read
-slurred or incomprehensible speech
-body aches
-killer mother-fucking headache similar to having a lion clamp its jaws down around your skull and to make matters worse, that lion has been tossed into a washer and you are both going round and round in the spin cycle which is making you dizzy and causing a bad tummy ache

So, I popped some Excedrin hoping to lessen the effects and continued toward work. After 2 hours, I felt like I was going to throw up so I came home. I still don't feel very good so I may head to bed soon. I'm a loser; it's not even 7 PM yet.

Blinded by the Light

2004-12-31T12:54:00.000-08:00

I have a window in my office at work and as the sun starts setting around 4 o'clock, I am finding that I can't look at one of my dual monitors because the light shines directly into my eyes when I do. Yes, I close the blinds, but the damn light still sneaks through. I got pissed off yesterday and threw a book at the window. Alex laughed.

Anyone know a good fix for this? I really don't want to move my desk/monitors as I do like my current setup. Sometimes I just wear sunglasses but then I look hung over which is not cute at 4 PM.

In other news, Adam has a few new catch phrases that he is using incessantly:

"Rock out with your cock out."

"Let's roll on like a condom."

Funny stuff!

As Seen On

2004-12-29T16:49:00.000-08:00

Pinnacle Groove & Welfare Queen.

3 Names you go by
Princess
Stinkerbell
Sarabeara

3 screen names you have
RealPrincessSara
Simkitty3
Princess.Sara

3 things you like about yourself
I can get along with almost anyone
Resourceful
Good friend (at least I try to be)

3 things you hate/dislike about yourself
Grumpy a lot
Impulsive at all the wrong times
Impatient

3 parts of your heritage
Cherokee
German
Irish

3 things that scare you
Losing those that I love
Evangelical Christians
Drunk Drivers

3 of your everyday essentials
Cigarettes
Caffeine
Reading

3 things you are wearing right now
Sweater
Bra
Jeans

3 of your favorite bands/artists
The Pixies
The Postal Service
Tori Amos

3 of your favorite songs at present
"Monkey Gone To Heaven" The Pixies
"Mediocrity Rules" LeTigre
"Time After Time" covered by Willie Nelson

3 things you want to try in the next 12 months
To become an Access expert
To save money
To learn something new each day

3 things you want in a relationship
Goofiness
Brains
Love

2 truths and a lie
I have danced naked on a pool table in front of friends
I occasionally make monkey noises during sex
I am black

3 physical things about the opposite or same sex that appeals to you
Good shoes are a must
Hair
Tattoos

3 things you just can't do
Sit still
Sing
Keep my frustration under control when something bothers me

3 of your favorite hobbies
Reading
Playing Literati online
Does shopping count as a hobby?

3 things you want to do really badly right now
Be done with this
Smoke
Rub a kitty tum

3 careers you're considering
Stripper
Priest
Boss of everything

3 places you want to go on vacation
China
Visit Sid and Jon in NYC
Italy

3 kids names
boys: Kael, Drew, Sean
girls: Lulu, Maude, Molly

3 things you want to do before you die
Run away
See my gay friends get legally married
See GW put on trial for war crimes

3 people who have to take this quiz now or eat a spider!
Josh
Michelle
Rebecca

Sucksor

2004-12-22T08:37:00.000-08:00

I hate people that don't do their jobs and say, "I didn't get your email," when they get caught. That's funny, I've sent 3 and everyone that I cc'd got it. Maybe you're just stupid or lazy or an unpleasant combo of both!

Help This

2004-12-20T17:18:00.000-08:00

You Are a Self Help Book!

While your advice is not always welcome...
It's always right on target.

What Crappy Gift Are You?

Perhaps

2004-12-17T17:44:00.000-08:00

Umberto Eco: The Name of the Rose. You are a mystery novel dealing with theology, especially with catholic vs liberal issues. You search wisdom and knowledge endlessly, feeling that learning is essential in life.

Which literature classic are you? brought to you by Quizilla

Sorry

2004-12-17T06:23:00.000-08:00

Sorry I haven't posted lately, there isn't much going on. In McDao style, I'll give you a brief...

-The car needs $1,500 worth of work (regular maintenance stuff) so we are waiting for VW to get the parts in and all will be good.

-Almost done with X-mas shopping... bah-humbug. R & J are coming over on the 23rd to do a fake Christmas Eve which is when I cook dinner and we all open 1 gift. Then on X-mas Eve we are going over to D & A's house for dinner... can't wait for Denise's cooking... mmmmmm.

-This weekend I'm hanging out with Rebecca and Dan on Saturday to finish up our shopping. On Sunday, I have to go to a wedding for the last 2 people on Earth that should marry one another. YAY, I'm sure they'll be fighting at the reception. Hopefully we'll also see Michelle and McDao this weekend but as Michelle is starting a job, I don't know if that will happen.

That's about it. I'll post more later.

Stripping Around the Christmas Tree

2004-12-12T11:22:00.000-08:00

Last night I went to my department's Christmas party; the naughty one... you remember. Anyway, we went to my boss' house to hang out and exchange our sexy gifts which turned out to be the funniest thing ever:

Nicki (lesbian married to Nina) got Gayopoly.

Nina (lesbian married to Nicki) got a whole bunch of fetish exploration games and tools.

Adam (our boss that's married with a baby on the way) got some leather gizmo that makes his erection last forever... your guess is as good as mine.

Alex (34 and perpetually single; had never been in a sex toy store until she had to get Nicki's gift) got a vibrator of course.

You should have seen their faces upon opening their gifts... it was the funniest thing ever... surprise, delight, confusion, and embarrassment. Can't wait for Monday!

After hanging out and playing a few games (not that kind!) we headed to the East Side which is where all the strip clubs are in STL and got our look on. Adam was having a ball watching all of us and the ladies on stage loved him. The lessies looked like they wanted get a quiet room and get it on.

Alex got drunker and drunker as the night wore on, hitting first on a man that was at his bachelor party... that's right, HIS... he was the one getting married. When that didn't work out, she moved on to his friends and finally settled for one who she probably wouldn't have looked twice at if she was remotely sober. I should mention that Alex drove me.

About the time that Alex was getting felt up, we decided it was time to go so Nicki stole Alex's keys and handed them over to me. The whole 20-minute trip home, I got to listen to Alex bitch about being the only single person and trying to have fun and how we married people wouldn't let her. She wasn't drunk; oh no, she was fine; it was us that had problems, not her.

I wanted to shoot myself or her.

We all ended up getting home safely and I’m teaching a class on Monday so if Alex is still pissed, at least I won’t have to listen to her bitch. YAY for the bright side!

I want to mention that Josh is my super hero because he drove 20-minutes to pick me up from Alex's area of town at 4 in the morning. I LOVE YOU!

Ah-ha!

2004-12-10T19:50:00.000-08:00

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.

Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.

We should've known... ONLY women would be able to drag a fat-ass man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.

Caption Contest

2004-12-08T17:29:00.000-08:00

The prize is my love... put your captions in the comments.

2004-12-08T17:25:00.000-08:00

2004-12-08T17:24:00.000-08:00

Meep

2004-12-07T18:06:00.000-08:00

I've been considering not blogging anymore... I haven't made any decisions as of yet; I'm just not really feeling it as much anymore. I don't know.

Weekend Fun

2004-12-05T18:18:00.000-08:00

I wish I had more weekends like this one...

Friday when Josh and I got home, we relaxed for a bit and had a quiet dinner together. Michelle called later that evening and she and I went out to Tuner's on Main Street which had a (surprisingly) good band playing some rock, blues, and Motown classics. As we drank more, we started to realize that we were the best dancers ever so we showed off our talents on the dance floor. We also got hit on by two old (85 at least) men which was humorous, insulting, and a little scary. Michelle went on stage to sing with the band and did a really awesome job; I was so proud.

Later, she and I stepped outside and nearly got into a fight with the drunkest man I've ever seen standing. He threatened us, I told him to fuck off, and Michelle (who was the smarter of the two of us) got us a couple of bodyguards. When our personal safety enforcers showed, Drunky McDrunk left and all was good. I still maintain that I could have taken him.

Saturday, Rebecca and I went shopping all day (I know you're shocked) and had a great time. We got the yummiest lunch at our usual place in the loop and met our hubbies for dinner and drinks at El Mariachi later on.

At some point we decided to throw the closest thing to a party we ever have which was to have 6 friends over to get plastered and play cards until 2 AM. I don't remember much but I do know that Denise said she'd make us dinner on Christmas Eve. SCORE!

Today was all about Papa John's and detox...

Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you guys; I'm teaching myself Access and I've already completed one database that has forms, macros, reports, queries, and lots of tables. I'm so pleased with myself.

Music for All

2004-12-05T09:58:00.000-08:00

This rocks the castle! You can download all the free music you want without the man coming after you 'cause it's legal.

Aaron put up a radio station that rivals mine. Go Aaron!

Bad Luck?

2004-12-04T08:07:00.000-08:00

This article claims that the WVA millionaire has had "bad luck" since winning the lottery:

"...his arrest on charges of driving while under the influence of alcohol and carrying a concealed handgun without a license."

"Mr. Whittaker, 57, racked up his third DUI charge Tuesday night after his Hummer struck a concrete median on the West Virginia Turnpike..."

"...he has been charged with threatening to kill a bartender, sued for groping waitresses at a dog-racing track..."

"Two other lawsuits came from two men who claimed they were injured when Mr. Whittaker had bouncers toss them out of a nightclub in Charleston, W.Va."

That sounds more like stupidity than bad luck.

"In September, three burglars broke into Mr. Whittaker's home and found the body of Jesse Joe Tribble, 18. One thief, who knew the dead teenager, tipped off police about the corpse." To that, I shout WTF?!

Oh wait, here's another WTF quote coming at you... "After the win, Mr. Whittaker bought a $123,000 house in the upscale Moss Creek subdivision for the convenience store clerk who sold him the winning ticket. But neighbors were up in arms when she moved in with her boyfriend — a convicted sex offender and child molester."

Cheesy But Funny

2004-12-02T19:07:00.000-08:00

A teacher was doing a study testing the senses of first graders, using a bowl of lifesavers.

The children learned to say:
"Red............cherry,"
"Yellow.........lemon,"
"Green.........lime,"
"Orange.........orange,"

Finally the teacher gave them all honey-flavored lifesavers. After sucking on them, none of the children could identify the taste.

"Well," she said, "I'll give you all a clue. It's what your mother may sometimes call your father."

One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out, and yelled: "Oh, my God!!!! They're assholes!"

What Crap

2004-12-02T19:04:00.000-08:00

I know a few charities that could use this money more than a bar could.

A Daddy Kind of Day

2004-11-30T19:22:00.000-08:00

I'm not one to talk to people in the restroom; it just doesn't feel right. Get in, do your business, and get out is my potty philosophy but one of my students walked in after me today and said she needed a daddy story. You see, I tell my classes stories about my daddy because he's the funniest man in the world and they love them. I guess she was having a rough day today and needed one.

When I got back to my desk, I had an email from him, here's an excerpt:

"Something I meant to ask you and Josh when you were in town - who do you recommend as a webpage host? I'm building a page on the subject of Apocalyptic eschatology (more commonly known as Biblical end times prophecy, the Tribulation, the Second Coming, the Rapture, among other terms).

There's a whole community of like-minded (or almost like-minded - - - o.k., some of them could be really off-the-wall) folk out there, and I want to post my stuff for others to read and comment on."

Daddy's gonna be blogging... too funny!

I guess the point of this post is that I miss him already which sucks because I won’t see him until May.

Such Great Heights Lyrics

2004-11-30T19:13:00.000-08:00

This is possibly the prettiest love song ever. It was originally by Iron and Wine but has been redone by The Postal Service:

I am thinking it's a sign
That the freckles in our eyes
Are mirror images and
When we kiss they're perfectly aligned

And I have to speculate
That God himself did make us into
Corresponding shapes like puzzles pieces
From the clay

True, it may seem like a stretch
But it's thoughts like this
That catch my troubled head
When you're away, when I am missing you to death

When you were out there on the road
For several weeks of shows
And when you scan the radio
I hope this song will guide you home

They will see us waving from such great heights
"Come down now," they'll say
But everything looks perfect from far away
"Come down now," but we'll stay

I've tried my best to leave
This all on your machine
But the persistent beat
Sounded thin upon listening

That frankly will not fly
You will hear the shrillest highs
And lowest lows with the windows down
When this is guiding you home

They will see us waving from such great heights
"Come down now," they'll say
But everything looks perfect from far away
"Come down now," but we'll stay

Worky-Work

2004-11-30T12:35:00.000-08:00

My job may be dramatically changing within the next couple of months. There is a damn good chance that the guy that creates and manages all of our databases (we'll call him Erving) is going to be out on the street and his boss and mine are "grooming" me to take over for him. If all works out, I'd be making more money and getting a free education. I'd no longer be training but that's fine with me, I could always pick up a class if I miss it that much.

I know I sound like I don't care about Erving which is totally not the case; we're actually friends but Erving really hates his job and has wanted to leave for some time. He doesn't because he's lazy (this being the reason he'll be forced to move on). He's one of those people that needs a kick in the ass to go find a job he loves and he's about to get a bruised bum. I don't think he'll shed any tears over it; he's been here for 10 years and has hated the last 8 or so.

At any rate, I'm excited!

YAWN

2004-11-29T16:26:00.000-08:00

I'm really tired; we got up at 4 this morning to catch our flight home.

We had a GREAT trip! I got to see all of my family; a few relatives {7} that we didn't think were coming showed up on Thanksgiving, so we had 3 tables of people at Chez Princess. They made most of my favorite foods including strawberry shortcake (I thought I would cry for joy) and when I inquired about my other favorites (key lime pie, peas and dumplings), they made those too. I'm a happy princess and probably about 20 pounds heavier.

I kicked everyone's asses at scrabble and got my ass kicked in cards by Josh and children that are less than 1/2 my age. Our new favorite past time is playing Uno with Nanny who gets confused with the skips and reverses and starts cussing; she's over 80 so she's entitled.

It was sooooo good to see April and her new husband (Mark); we spent a lot of time together last week and went to Goth night at Mars Bar on Wednesday (yeah Roy, where were you?!) where Mark took on the mission of getting Josh totally plastered and he succeeded. Actually, Josh spent several nights totally plastered.

I'm really glad I got to hang out with Lauri and our friend Bateman (her name is also Sarah, but I was here first, so we call her Bateman). They are talking about moving to Chicago which would make me the happiest girl in the whole world because they are some of my favorite people to hang out with. They are always talking about moving somewhere though, so I won't hold my breath just yet.

I am super tired and grumpy so I'm signing off for the night. I hope you had a great Thanksgiving and didn't miss me too much!

Say Hi

2004-11-22T16:28:00.000-08:00

Ted might be stopping by Princess Sara Land for a visit, so say hi to him. We had a good visit today and I'll post more on that after I've had more time to ponder.

I've noticed that you guys have been unusually quiet lately, have you gone mute on me? Where are all of the comments you usually leave; I feel oh-so neglected!

My boss, Adam is having a girl! He got the ultrasound results today; we are totally excited. On the topic of work, I can’t remember if I told you about the gift exchange we’re doing; we’re giving each other inappropriate gifts. If you can think of something naughty for a lesbian, I’m all ears.

Josh and I are heading to VA bright and fucking early tomorrow, but I'll try to blog while I'm there.

Hugs and kisses to you all!

Caleb

2004-11-21T20:32:00.000-08:00

Tonight, McDao's 3-year-old said to me, "I like your craziness." I like him.

Weekend

2004-11-21T16:57:00.000-08:00

It's been a pretty boring weekend; doing laundry and cleaning to get ready to go home for Thanksgiving. A special thank you goes out to Aaron who is cat sitting for us... you rock.

I did get to hang out with Rebecca today which was great, I've been suffering from withdrawal lately since we've both been so busy. I love how relaxed and easy our friendship is and I also love that we can talk about anything and everything without feeling like the other person will think we've lost it. I adore her.

I'm freakishly excited about going home because our last trip wasn't much fun at all. It's the only time I get to see my extended family. YAY!

Oh, and I got barrettes today so I’m looking less like a boy.

Sc-hair-y

2004-11-21T08:59:00.000-08:00

My hair now looks like a blonde cross between:

Snippy

2004-11-20T15:37:00.000-08:00

I chopped all of my hair off today... it's now about an inch long all over. I feel pixie-ish.

Right On!

2004-11-19T16:47:00.000-08:00

This is a recent post by McDao. I think it rocks, especially:

"If you think it is hard to explain to your children why there was a nude woman on the television-- imagine how hard it must be for a wife of a soldier to explain to her children, that their daddy was just killed in a war that nobody knows why we are fighting."

Red States

2004-11-19T05:47:00.000-08:00

My company has gotten 3 or 4 letters so far from customers stating they will no longer do business with a company in a red state.

HA!

I Wish

2004-11-18T06:24:00.000-08:00

Got this email today:

Concession Speech Kerry should have given.

[Former candidate Kerry, flanked by his family and supporters, steps up to the podium in the bright autumn sunlight. Cheers and applause are heard.]

My fellow Americans, the people of this nation have spoken, and spoken
With a clear voice. So I am here to offer my concession. [Boos, groans, rending of garments]

I concede that I overestimated the intelligence of the American people. Though the people disagree with the President on almost every issue, you saw fit to vote for him. I never saw that coming. That's really special. And I mean "special" in the sense that we use it to describe those kids who ride the short school bus and find ways to injure themselves while eating pudding with rubber spoons. That kind of special.

I concede that I misjudged the power of hate. That's pretty powerful
stuff, and I didn't see it. So let me take a moment to congratulate the
President's strategists: Putting the gay marriage amendments on the ballot in various swing states like Ohio... well, that was just genius. Genius. It got people, a certain kind of people, to the polls. The unprecedented number of folks who showed up and cited "moral values" as their biggest issue, those people changed history. The folks who consider same sex marriage a more important issue than war, or terrorism, or the economy... Who'd have thought the election would belong to them? Well, Karl Rove did. Gotta give it up to him for that. [Boos.] Now, now. Credit where it's due.

I concede that I put too much faith in America's youth. With 8 out of
10 of you opposing the President, with your friends and classmates dying daily in a war you disapprove of, with your future being mortgaged to pay for rich old peoples' tax breaks, you somehow managed to sit on your asses and watch the Cartoon Network while aging homophobic hillbillies carried the day. You voted with the exact same anemic percentage that you did in 2000. You suck. Seriously, y'do. [Cheers, applause] Thank you. Thank you very much.

There are some who would say that I sound bitter, that now is the time for healing, to bring the nation together. Let me tell you a little story. Last night, I watched the returns come in with some friends here in Los Angeles. As the night progressed, people began to talk half-seriously about secession, a red state / blue state split. The reasoning was this: We in blue states produce the vast majority of the wealth in this country and pay the most taxes, and you in the red states receive the majority of the money from those taxes while complaining about 'em. We in the blue states are the only ones who've been attacked by foreign terrorists, yet you in the red states are gung ho to fight a war in our name. We in the blue states produce the entertainment that you consume so greedily each day, while you in the red states show open disdain for us and our values. Blue state civilians are the actual victims and targets of the war on terror, while red state civilians are the ones standing behind us and yelling "Oh, yeah! Bring it on!" More than 40% of you Bush voters still believe that Saddam Hussein had something to do with 9/11. I'm impressed by that, truly I am. Your sons and daughters who might die in this war know it's not true, the people in the urban centers where al Qaeda wants to attack know it's not true, but those of you who are at practically no risk believe this easy lie because you can. As part of my concession speech, let me say that I really envy that luxury. I concede that. Healing? We, the people at risk from terrorists, the people who subsidize you, the people who speak in glowing and respectful terms about the heartland of America while that heartland insults and excoriates us... we wanted some healing. We spoke loud and clear. And you refused to give it to us, largely because of your high moral values. You knew better: America doesn't need its allies, doesn't need to share the burden, doesn't need to unite the world, and doesn’t need to provide for its future. Hell no. Not when it's got a human shield of pointy-headed, atheistic, non-confrontational breadwinners who are willing to pay the bills and play nice in the vain hope of winning a vote that we can never have. Because we're "morally inferior," I suppose, we are supposed to respect your values while you insult ours. And the big joke here is that for 20 years, we've done just that. It's not a "ha-ha" funny joke, I realize, but it's a joke all the same. But - as well as conceding the election today, I am also announcing my candidacy for President in 2008.

[Tumultuous cheers, applause, and foot-stomping.]

Thank you. And I make this pledge to you today: THIS time, next time, there will be no pandering. This time I will run with all the open and joking contempt for my Opponents that our President demonstrated towards the cradle of liberty, the Ivy League intellectuals, the "media elite," and the "white-wine sippers." This time I will not pretend that the simple folk of America know just as much as the people who devote their lives to serving and studying the nation and the world. They don't. So that's why I'm asking for your vote in 2008, America. I'm talking to you, you ignorant, slack-jawed yokels, you bible-thumping, inbred drones, you redneck, racist, chest-thumping, perennially duped grade-school grads. Vote for me, because I know better, and I truly believe that I can help your smug, sorry asses.

Vote Kerry in '08! Thank you, and may God, if he does in fact exist, bless each and every one of you.

[Wild applause, screams, chants of "Ker-ry! Ker-ry_!]

RVA for Turkey Day

2004-11-17T19:28:00.000-08:00

I am so excited about going home for Thanksgiving. I can't wait to see my family and eat yummy food; Thanksgiving has the best food out of all the holidays... hands down. I can't wait for:

Nanny's-
cole slaw
green beans
applesauce cake
collard greens

Momma's-
broccoli casserole
key lime pie
pecan pie
iced tea
mashed potatoes

Aunt Linda's-
pretzel salad
cheesy potato casserole

I also can't wait to play cards with them all and loaf around.

Josh’s mom is having flashcards at Thanksgiving supper this year; they’ll say things like, “punny” and “annoying” and “clever” and “get off the island” so whenever anyone says anything, we’ll flash them. Should be a riot.

But, the most exciting bit is that April is coming over from Ireland and she's bringing her new husband whom I've only talked to on the phone. I can't wait to see her and meet him. It's been a year since we last hung out, though we talk all the time and I miss her like crazy. I'm stoked!

Nothing

2004-11-16T20:03:00.000-08:00

I'm alive, but I have nothing to say... I know; you're shocked.

I have an idea, why don't you tell me something!

I Was Bored

2004-11-15T18:56:00.000-08:00

These pictures make me think of:

Josh

Aaron

Dino

April

Michelle

Rebecca

Jeff

Jason

Beth

Wal-Mart Scares Me

2004-11-14T19:37:00.000-08:00

I went to Wally World today with Michelle to pick up a few extra things for the troops and just like I've said every other time I've gone; I won't go back. I hate Wal-Mart; it freaks me out and I just can't handle it. There are so many people and the aisles are so narrow and cram packed from floor to ceiling. I prefer Target because it's exactly the opposite; sure, I may spend a little more there, but I don't mind paying for the aesthetic. There are no boxes in your way, you can easily get a cart through the simply laid out store, and there are rarely long lines.

I think the world can easily be divided into Wal-Mart people and Target people.

Wal-Martyrs are people that like to be frustrated, these are the folks that would rather take all 5 kids to the store than pay $20 to have them stay with the neighbor. They would rather haggle over whether the advertised price was $7.50 or $7.95 than eat the $.45 and keep their blood pressure down. Keep in mind that there is nothing wrong with people like that, they just aren't me.

Targets are people that like to stroll through a store and look at pretty things whether they plan to buy those things or not, we stop to smell the roses so to speak. We're the people that would pay just a little bit more to go to a quiet restaurant than save a few dollars and be frustrated throughout dinner because of all the noise.

Maybe I'm reading too much into it and people just go to whatever's closest but I don't think so.

Care Packages

2004-11-13T17:44:00.000-08:00

I got a lot of stuff together for the troops today and I can't wait to send it off to them. My neighbor is currently adding more to the supply for me to include in the packages. I'll be working with McDao and his wife on this project and we are all very eager to send our love overseas.

I think this is a really simple and relatively inexpensive way to do something for people that are making some serious sacrifices right now. McDao made a great point about all of these "Support our Troops" stickers and how that does nothing but line the pockets of the gas stations and grocery stores that sell them. I think there are much better ways to show your support.

So far, I have:
-about 50 magazines
-a few burned CDs (the sand destroys their CDs, so they could really use more)
-slippers
-food
-games (board, card, and computer)
-toiletries (cologne, Q-Tips, bandages, baby wipes, etc...)

If you still want to donate stuff to go into the boxes, I'll happily take it all. Or you can send some yourself. Don't just sit there, do something!

Almost Forgot

2004-11-12T19:52:00.000-08:00

Michelle and I are going to be putting together a large care package to send to the soldiers in Iraq. If you want to donate anything, please get it to me by next weekend. We are looking for anything and everything, here are a few ideas:

-magazines
-candy (nothing that can melt)
-cigarettes
-CDs
-calling cards
-chap stick and lotion or anything that will help with sand and heat
-baby wipes

They would appreciate anything you can give and so would we. Thanks!

I'm Not Alone

2004-11-12T16:49:00.000-08:00

I met McDao and his wife, Michelle, 2 years ago and we've been friends ever since. I've always wanted to become better friends with them because they are such awesome people and we really have tons of fun together but it hasn't been easy for us to all get together for the past 2 years with any frequency. We all lead busy lives and sometimes months will pass before we're able to talk or have dinner. As their children are getting a little older and work is settling down for us, we've been able to get together a little more regularly and have really been enjoying ourselves.

Recently, Michelle and I have been nurturing our friendship more and have not depended on the "couple factor" as much as taking advantage of all that we have in common with one another. Sometimes it's difficult to make new friends as an adult and to create a comfortable intimacy is even harder since there is little to no past between you. I haven't noticed that with Michelle; we seem to be on the same planet (and here I thought this planet was deserted); she understands my random thoughts and I understand hers. It's great to be able to talk with someone and not have to "tone yourself down" at all.

Last night, we went to the casino together and had a blast! We won money, we lost money, but we finally came out even. I had the best time goofing off and running around with her; I felt like I was 16 again; we even hijacked a wheelchair and I ran it down the hall while she was sitting in it. It was so rad to be with someone that's just as crazy as I am and that is just totally unconcerned with what anyone else thinks.

I love being around people that don't take themselves too seriously and are more concerned with having a good time than being cool or proper. I try to surround myself with people like that and I find that I'm happier when I do.

FYI

2004-11-12T07:21:00.000-08:00

My boss sent this to me this morning; hope it provides at least a little giggle in this dark time:

The Republican National Committee announced today that the Republican Party is changing its emblem from an elephant to a condom. The committee chairman explained that the condom more clearly reflects the party's stance today, because a condom accepts inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually getting screwed.

Let's Join

2004-11-11T15:51:00.000-08:00

What a terrible advertisement for a dating service!

Perfect

2004-11-10T19:32:00.000-08:00

I just realized that it's kismet that I love Rod Stewart's song, "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?" Apparently it was #1 on the music charts the day I was born. Even funnier is that it's my ring tone... well, except when Josh calls, then I get to hear, "Get Ur Freak On" by Missy Elliot, but I won't tell you why.

Mwahahahaha!

Fuck Alex

2004-11-10T17:50:00.000-08:00

I love her a bunch but now that our cycles are trying to remain aligned, I'm having a random week of never being full. I've eaten an egg roll, pad thai, ice cream, and fruit snacks tonight and I'm still so hungry. I'm currently popping popcorn which should be enough for the rest of the night. We'll see.

Adam is coming into town this weekend and I'm so excited; we always have a good time with him. I have a feeling we'll end up at El Mariachi with a few margaritas in our tummies.

WOn the subject of El Mariachi, I should note that I'm beginning to feel like a stalker; we eat there at least once a week (usually 2 or 3 times) and everyone that works there knows us. When we walk in, they don't even bother seating us; they just point to the smoking section and tell us to pick a table. Josh usually gets 2 mushroom quesadillas and before he could even order one night, the waiter told him they were out of mushrooms. We always get cheesy dip but the other night I decided I wanted guacamole instead and dude looks at me and says, "No cheesy dip?!" As if it was unfathomable that I didn't want it that night.

I'm not saying that we're going to stop eating there every other night; that would be unfathomable, but maybe we should start wearing disguises.

Oh My

2004-11-09T16:30:00.000-08:00

I've always envied Jackie O's style; she dressed fairly simply but always looked so put together:

It's not that she was particularly beautiful, she was very pretty but it was more than that, she had grace and elegance:

In the south, we would say that she was always 'well turned out' meaning that she never left the house looking trashy:

I think that there are certain people that always know what to wear and always look immaculate, not all of those people are rich and famous either, but I guess all that money does help:

Then there are those of us that try so hard and always come out frumpy. Sometimes life just isn't fair.

My New Muse

2004-11-08T18:52:00.000-08:00

I got The Pocket Muse today because I've been dealing with a sort of writer's block. I try to write everyday, more as therapy for myself than anything else but I've been having issues lately. Hopefully this book will clear the blockage.

The idea is that it gives you ideas to get you writing about something, anything. Here are a few examples:

"Write about a simple board game that turns its players into pie-eyed cutthroats."

"Fill in the blank: When I first told my family about ________, they didn't believe me."

"A character arrives at work to find her chair missing, what happened to it?"

"Who were your parents when they were your age?"

It also has all sorts of neat quotes, photos, and stories to get the creative juices going. I hope this works.

Book Review

2004-11-06T19:23:00.000-08:00

I just finished One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez and I highly recommend that you stop reading this, run to Borders or Barnes and Noble and buy it. I'll wait, it's not a problem.

OK, you're back, great, here's the review:

What a magical book! The basic story is about the Buendia family that founded a mythical village called Macondo in South America but it's about so much more than that. The book is disturbing and beautiful and enraging and endearing all at the same time. I really can't think of a precise way of describing it and it's certainly unlike any other book I've ever read so I can't even think of a good comparison for you. Here's what I'll do instead, I'll give you four quick excerpts:

A trickle of blood came out under the door, crossed the living room, went out into the street, continued on in a straight line across the uneven terraces, went down steps and climbed over curbs, passed along the Street of the Turks, turned a corner to the right and another to the left, made a right angle at the Buendía house, went in under the closed door, crossed through the parlor, hugging the walls so as not to stain the rugs, went on to the other living room, made a wide curve to avoid the dining-room table, went along the porch with the begonias, and passed without being seen under Amaranta's chair as she gave an arithmetic lesson to Aureliano José, and went through the pantry and came out in the kitchen, where Úrsula was getting ready to crack thirty-six eggs to make bread.
"Holy Mother of God!" Úrsula shouted.

A short time later, when the carpenter was taking measurements for the coffin, through the window they saw a light rain of tiny yellow flowers falling. They fell on the town all through the night in a silent storm, and they covered the roofs and blocked the doors and smothered the animals who slept outdoors. So many flowers fell from the sky that in the morning the streets were carpeted with a compact cushion and they had to clear them away with shovels and rakes so that the funeral procession could pass by.

...wondered whether or not he too might be falling into the vice of building so that he could take apart like Colonel Aureliano Buendia and his little gold fishes, Amaranta and her shroud and her buttons, Jose Arcadio and his parchments, and Ursula and her memories.

While Macondo was celebrating the recovery of its memory, Jose Arcadio Buendia and Melquiades dusted off their old friendship. The gypsy was inclined to stay in the town. He really had been through death, but he had returned because he could not bear the solitude.

Got Gmail?

2004-11-06T19:19:00.000-08:00

I do and I also have 6 invitations to give away, want one? Email me.

Haikus for Dub-ya

2004-11-05T18:19:00.000-08:00

War monger, I hate
you. You destroy all that is
good about our world.

Under the guise of
a love of democracy
you attack and kill.

A weapon of mass
destruction, hiding in a
White House safe and sound.

There is no longer
a separation of church
and state for our land.

Take away sex ed,
take away abortion, and
take away welfare.

How long will we have
to wait for America
to see you're stupid?

Did Barbara or
Daddy drop you on your head
when you were a child?

What are NUCULAR
weapons? What is a leader
to do with English?

The world laughs and we
cry, four more years is much too
long, I'd rather die.

Texas can have you
back because 90 percent
of D.C. hates you.

2004-11-05T13:16:00.000-08:00

That's right, here are the latest stupid names I've had in my classes:

Little Kita
ShaDawn
Yalantes
Kneesha
Myisha
Octavia

Will it ever end?

Dark

2004-11-04T18:41:00.000-08:00

I love fall and winter; they're my favorite seasons... I love cold things.

Nothing makes me happier than wearing a sweater, a big coat, and mittens (pants too) and having a cold face; it feels fresh and clean. I love the rich colors of fall, the smells, and all of the yumminess of hot cocoa and a fire. Snow is just about my favorite thing in the world.

What I don't love is leaving work at 5 and driving home in near-darkness. I don't love thinking it's bedtime at 6:30 because it's pitch black out.

I wish it stayed light for 12 hours in the winter and only 8 in the summer; that would be perfect.

Are YOU Surprised?

2004-11-04T16:44:00.000-08:00

I'm not. If only more Americans were as smart as Europeans.

Redecorating

2004-11-04T14:46:00.000-08:00

I am redecorating my classroom at work and this is some of the artwork I will be using:

#1
#2
#3
#4
#5

If Wishes Were Fishes...

2004-11-03T18:03:00.000-08:00

...life would still stink.

I've updated my Amazon wish List for Josh and any family that happens by. I am not soliciting gifts here; that's not my style, I just wanted it to be ready for Christmas and my birthday.

The link is also under "My Stuff."

Welcome to Retard Nation

2004-11-03T05:53:00.000-08:00

Fucking-A... we have confirmed that there are 58,000,000 morons in this country who voted for their king last night. Sadly, the elections were a test; you see, America has gotten really overcrowded in recent years (abstinence only sex-ed) so anyone that voted for Bush is going to be kicked off the island. Pack your bags, you're going to our newest state; Iraq.

Anyone that feels they had a logical reason for voting for Bush may be excused; all you need to do is submit a 500-word essay to me detailing your reasons and after review, I will give you my decision. Please note that this process may take up to 5 weeks during which time you will be held in another new state; Afghanistan. Please also note that, "Bush will win the war on terrorism" is not an acceptable reason as it has been 3 years since 9/11 and the mastermind is making home movies.

In closing, all of you traitors that voted for Nader will be shot by my own, personal firing squad.

My Monster

2004-11-01T18:21:00.000-08:00

When I was a kid a stay-at-home mom that lived down the street from me kept a few kids (including me) in her home after school. One day when I was in 5th grade, we were talking about how someone we both knew had been molested and she made a comment that effectively communicated that everyone has some sort of attack or violence committed on them at some point in their lives. She was trying to look on the bright side by saying that the person has nothing more to worry about because "she's had her dose."

I realize that I didn't explain that well and I'm sorry about that, please know that she was trying to comfort me and she meant well.

When Ted and I were talking today, he helped me to realize how that one little comment has effected me for the past 15 years. All this time, I have been waiting for "my dose of violence" and have been totally sure that it is always just around the corner.

You're probably thinking that I did get my dose when I was raped at 16 but I'd like to remind you that there was no physical violence involved; it just didn't hurt... that's not to say that I wasn't violated; I do still have emotional scars, just no physical ones.

So where am I going with all of this? Oh yeah, the effects...

I have terrible nightmares that wake me up several times each night; I honestly can't remember a night in years that I haven't had one. I'm always freaked out at night because I go to bed earlier than Josh and though I logically know that there is no one under the bed or in the closet as I always check, I'm still afraid that there's a man with a knife in either place. I also get freaked out in the car when I'm alone; checking under the car and in the backseat before I get in and checking the backseat every few minutes while I'm driving. Nothing can reassure me that the man with the knife has not magically appeared back there. Crazy, I know. When I have to walk from the car to the apartment alone at night, I usually call someone under the pretense of making plans or saying hello so that I won't be alone. It's usually Lauri, but not always so I'm sorry if I've randomly called you for a chat at 10:00.

I'm sure you've picked up on the man-with-a-knife theme so let me shed some light... The worst kind of violence I can think of is when someone uses a knife; it's so brutal and intentional. A gun is impersonal, you pull a trigger and the gun takes over, it could be a split-second decision that once made, cannot be stopped. A punch doesn't leave scars or draw blood (usually); a bat would almost certainly knock you out as would any other heavy object. To use a knife, to cut, to scar, to cause bleeding... you have to really mean to cause direct, physical pain. You have complete control and there are no split-second decisions that you can't stop.

My biggest nightmare is something like the scene in Se7en where the man is raping the prostitute with the knife; that is the most vile, disgusting, revolting thing that I can think of and it fucking freaks me out.

I have a problem watching violence. We were starting to watch the first season of Oz (yeah, smart choice) on Friday and I took about 5 minutes of it and then left the room. Monster made me physically ill as did American History X. I really just can't take it.

When talking with some people online about how violence affects me, someone suggested that I check out Screen It; this is their review of Monster. What a great idea! Maybe I'm naive but I think movies have gotten so graphic that any kind of violence seems so real and horrifying... the site is also great for parents like McDao that actually care what their kids watch.

Ted has tried to assure me that though violence against women is a very real threat, not everyone is "prescribed a dose." Still, I can't shake the feeling that there's something terrifying waiting for me.

I'm A JANE Girl!

2004-10-31T19:38:00.000-08:00

I love Jane magazine; I've read each issue dating back to the mid-90's and have never been disappointed.

I just opened the November issue and imagine my surprise when I was in it! No shit! Every month, they do a web rant where they ask a question and the readers respond online; they usually put a couple of responses in the next month's issue. This time the question was, "Should Americans be forced to read a newspaper at least once a week, or else walk the plank?" My response was, "If so, I'd have already jumped." You can see it for yourself on page 22.

Now let me explain... I hate newspapers, they are written on a 4th-grade reading level and rarely have any news that I haven't already seen online. That said how random is it that I actually bought a newspaper this morning?! It's the first one in probably 5 years and the only reason I got it was because the election is Tuesday and the front page was devoted to comparing the candidates.

You know what this means, right? Kerry's going to win... I know, that's a stretch based solely on a random series of events but I'm happy believing it so leave me alone.

Scariest Costumes Ever

2004-10-31T13:31:00.000-08:00

For real!

Man, I'm a blogging machine today!

St. Louis Barbies

2004-10-31T11:36:00.000-08:00

I know, this is old, but it's still funny! I've included links for non-St. Louisans.

Mattel announces the release of models of Limited Edition Barbie Dolls for the St. Louis Market:

Clayton Barbie:
This princess Barbie is only sold at Plaza Frontenac. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a cookie cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with "augmented" version.

Chesterfield Barbie:
This trendy homemaker Barbie is available with your choice of Lexus SUV or Ford Windstar minivan. She gets lost easily and has no full time occupation or secondary education. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately. Optional matching gym outfit.

Walnut Park Barbie:
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with tinted windows and her own Meth Lab kit. This model is available after dark and can be paid for only in cash. Preferably small, untraceable bills. Unless you're a cop. Then we don't know what you're talking about.

Town & Country Barbie:
This yuppie Barbie comes with choice of a BMW sports car or a souped up Hummer 2. Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership are included. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. But you can't afford them anyway.

St. Charles Barbie:
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt and has a tattoo of a Tweedy bird on her shoulder. She has big, stiff hair, a six pack of Coors Light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and can kick Mullet-haired Kenny doll's ass when she's drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get its Confederate flag bumper stickers absolutely free.

Ladue Barbie:
This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears a leopard-print ski outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while she entertains friends at the club. Percocet prescription available.

U. City Barbie:
This doll is made of actual tofu, has long gray hair and arch-less feet, sandals with white socks, no makeup and a mutt. She prefers that you call her "Willow."

Eureka Barbie:
This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased her beer-gutted boyfriend out of St. Charles Barbie's house. Her make-up is dark red lip liner with your choice of lips covered in a sparkly pink or no fill-in at all. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans with an assortment of colored G-strings that stick out the back and a white see-through halter-top. Accessories include: CD-player equipped with Bon Jovi and a rusty old Ford pick up.

Visitor's Guide to Driving in St. Louis

2004-10-31T11:15:00.000-08:00

by succubus (as stolen from STLBloggers)

1. There are 75 "official neighborhoods" in the City of St. Louis. St. Louisans commonly give directions (especially for restaurants) to strangers based on these neighborhoods which aren't marked on any maps that are handed out by the tourist board, the AAA or Mapquest.

2. There are 54 school districts -- on the Missouri side alone -- each of which has their own school bus system and scheduled times to block traffic.

3. There are 91 official municipalities in St. Louis County. Each Municipality has its own rules, regulations, and often their own police departments.

4. More importantly, most have their own snow removal contracts, so it's not uncommon to drive down a road in winter and have one block plowed, the next salted, the next piled with snow and the last partially cleared by residents wanting to get out of their driveways.

5. Snow plowing is never a problem in the City of St. Louis. They plow nothing, and if the forecast calls for snow, they close everything. Except on "The Hill" (refer to #1 above) where each homeowner goes out to the street and shovels out one car-sized rectangle and then stands watch over it.

6. Any car parked longer than 4 hours in the city is considered a parts store.

7. The City of Ballwin actually proposed that drivers use connecting strip mall parking lots to get from place to place rather than drive on Manchester Road to cut the traffic on Manchester.

8. Laclede Station Road mysteriously changes names as you cross intersections. As do McCausland, Lindbergh, Watson, Reavis Barracks, Fee Fee, McKnight, Airport Road, Midland, Olive and Clarkson. Gravois Road can only be pronounced by a native. Ditto for Spoede and Chouteau.

9. A St. Louisan from South County has never been to North County and vice versa. West County has everything delivered.

10. No native St. Louisan knows that Lindbergh runs from South County to North County! And, if you tell them, they will not believe you.

11. Lindbergh belongs to every neighborhood except Kirkwood, who had the nerve to creatively change the name to "Kirkwood Road".

12. There are 2 interchanges to exit from Highway 40 onto Clayton Road and 2 for Big Bend. Stay alert, people!

13. If you need directions to O'Fallon, make sure to specify Illinois or Missouri. This is also true for Troy, Maryville, St. Charles, Springfield Columbia....

14. The Page Avenue extension and Airport expansion projects took over 20 years to get approved and St. Louisans lost track of how many political figures claimed them as their own ideas.

15. St. Louisans were aghast when the federal government required them to redo the highway signs to indicate that the federal highways went to cities in other states instead of local municipalities.

16. Drivers are starting to cut their OWN plates rather than go through the Missouri Department of Motor Vehicles to get new tags. You can also purchase tags from dealers behind QuiK Shops in the city. They are cheaper, the clerks are nicer, and the service is faster.

17. Lambert Field and St. Louis International Airport really are the same place. The East Terminal, however, is a different place.

18. Highway 270 is our daily version of the NASCAR circuit. (Same goes for Highway 70.) You can go all four directions on Highway 270: North and South in West County, East and West in South County, and East and West in North County. Confused? So are the St. Louis drivers.

19. The outer belt is Highway 270 which turns into Highway 255 in South County. The inner belt is Highway 170. Highway 370 is an outer-outer belt. Highway 40 is the same as Interstate 64 (but only through the middle part of St. Louis).

20. The morning rush hour is from 6:00 to 10:00 AM. The evening rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:00 PM. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning. Never ever try to cross a bridge in St. Louis during rush hour unless you have a sack lunch and a port-a-potty in the car.

21. YIELD signs are for decoration only. No native St. Louisan will ever grasp the concept.

22. If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect, or has been on for the last 17 miles.

23. Construction on Highways 40, 64, 70, 255, 270, 44, 55 and 170 is a way of life, and a permanent form of entertainment.

24. All old ladies with blue hair in Cadillac's (driving on Olive west of 270) have the right of way.

25. If it snows or rains? Stay home!!

(Added by the princess)

26. If Mapquest says to go north, you should go south... if it says to go east, you should go north.

27. Automobiles tend to randomly catch on fire here... pack a fire extinguisher.

28. If in a rush, there will undoubtedly be cars in all 5 lanes of all highways going 50 mph right next to each other, blocking your way. Bear in mind that no amount of light flashing, horn-honking or gun-waving will have any affect on those drivers.

29. St. Louisans are multi-taskers; they have no problem talking on their cell phones while eating a burger, changing a diaper, looking at the accident on the side of the road, and steering with their knees.

30. It is impossible to get pulled over for speeding on a highway unless you are breaking triple digits.

31. Making a left-hand turn from a right-hand turn lane while driving a U-haul on a major road is okay as long as you do it while holding up your middle finger.

I love this city!